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Beauty surrounds us. In everything and everyone there is a warmth that others often dont see. Even in the coldest exterior there is a warmth. And that is love. As time transpires we carry on looking but we stop seeing what is right infront of us, and in fact all around us. Once you realise this the world feels amazing. When there is creativity and inspiration in everything around you it allows you to express your own creativity and maybe try something new.

So. Yeah. Open your eyes.

Alive

Tonight I feel more alive than I have in a very long time.

Everything is making more sense than it ever has done. I know what I want from my life and I know how I can get it. 

I finally feel like i’m here for a reason again. And I have finally found my faith in my work once more.

The lessons that I’ve learnt are vast, and though this world is not brilliant, or shining with grace, it’s the grace within us people that we must search for, and indeed shine unto other people aswel. There are amazing places, and sights to see out there, we just have to find them, and at the end of the day this is what makes life worth living through, we must fight to find these places in ourselves and in others, and it’s this fight that makes the end result worth it. Deep down all we search for is love, respect and dignity and that one day we might find someone who truly understands us and accepts us despite all our flaws. 

The beauty of mankind is in it’s imperfections, because only through these we can see true perfection, true grace and true beauty. Without one there cannot be the other, and although life can seem cruel and cold, I promise you there is something better out there, something that will make you feel a way you’ve never felt before, give you a surge of pure passion and emotion, something so powerful and deep that you have no option but to embrace this strange entity slowly holding your body and let it overwhelm your senses. 

On this day you will know that life has been worth living, though there is no guessing as to where this day will occur, all we can know for sure is that the only way to get there is to work through our passion and do what we truly love, and through this we can extend that love to our fellow human kind. 

Tonight, I am alive once more.

Theo.

Surviving

So sick of everything, everywhere and everyone. 

Every month or so now I get like this. Just completely dissatisfied with everything thats happening with my life.

I’m sick of my university, my home, the way I live and I just need to get out of this circle of shit that I call a life. I need to find myself somewhere because I don’t belong in a shitty flat in Huddersfield writing songs that don’t get heard. 

Everyone should be aloud emergency money to get the fuck away from shit like this, start somewhere new and not have to be tied down to a place because of a job or a course. I feel so static, so immobile and I can’t function this way, I need to be moving, progressing, travelling, doing something to progress in life. The happiest times I have are on the road, it gives me a sense of purpose and meaning. 

I know most people get like this and just deal with it. But why should we have to?. Life shouldn’t be about working to be aesthetically successful, It should be about being internally happy with what you have achieved, or tried to achieve. 

I feel physically sick that i’m even writing this. I’m always intoxicated with something, because I can’t face the reality that i’m unhappy as a person on the deepest level as I desperately cling to my music for some form of mental stability that is slowly dissolving the longer this goes on. Writing this is however the first time in a while I’ve felt any kind of relief, like posting to a webpage that doesn’t get read still funnels out some small load of this overbearing depression. 

I wish I could be that whining bitch of a person that sits here and complains about stuff that doesn’t matter so I could shake this and grow up knowing so many people have it worse, and although that still remains true this feeling is on a level so deep it rocks the foundations of my life, and everything in it. 

One thing is for sure. If I don’t find my way out of this soon, it’s not going to end well for me, But if I should leave this mess then I will make it my mission to help others out of these kinds of ruts, because no one deserves to be spending their precious days on this planet worrying about insignificant things, There’s always a way out. There must me.

I want to feel alive again.

Open Air.

It’s cold. Really really fuckin’ cold here. 

The promise of change is the only thing that keeps me going, In 12 months everything could be completely different, or it could all just be exactly the same. This album took everything out of me and Danny and I don’t think people realise when they hear just how close to our hearts this music is.

I’m sat in a dark room with nothing but my smokes, my laptop and Angels and Airwaves floating gloriously out of my speakers with a strong sense that I, and Danny are right on the edge of something bigger than either of us dared to even dream before. But, alas it could still all be the dream that so many kids share with us. 

Tonight is the night I look back at everything that has led me here, and think about the horrible stuff that has gone down and how even that in a sick way has led me here. To this room where I now sit. 

Whether people think the way I write is ‘arty’ or ‘self absorbed’ or ‘cheesy’ I don’t really mind, I kinda get why that’s the general consensus to be honest, but I really have only ever believed in bigger and better things, so why wouldn’t that have come out in my writing? since it oozes out of ever pour in my body and screams from me every time I create, surely by now you’d think people would have grown to either embrace my way or leave my life.

So now for a while I’m going to scour the internet for various things that make me feel the way I feel when I create, truly inspired things that hopefully will give these people a universal understanding of why I am me.

Theo.

1.

Its 2:09 in the morning. I can’t sleep. I get this strong overwhelming sense to create, and it controls me until I do. Whether its something that i’ve always had and funneled out through various mediums, some form of natural ability or need to create, some form of characteristic I have inherited from some distance ancestor, or a need that has developed as I have grown and learnt my way I don’t know. But its why i’m writing now, its why I do everything I do and I guess i’m thankful to have such an unconventional force in my life.

I’m not a self-indulgent person, nor do I like to play the overbearing game of taking a moral high ground over everything and everyone. People are just people, if they/you are anything like me then the need to be a certain thing, in a certain place and to feel a certain way will control your life over anything. Despite this I feel everyone can be aware of their achievements, they should however be an internal thing, achieve for yourself not for others. The amount of times I can name where I find myself saying ‘I’ a million times in a conversation overwhelms me and fills me with a disappointment in myself and to those who I have talked at rather than to I am sorry.

Anyway so this is going to be a thing now. I don’t know what, or even why. But I guess I can just pool all my long-winded overcomplicated thoughts and dreams here for a bored reader to consider. Overall i’m just trying to say hello.

I’m Theo. 

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