So sick of everything, everywhere and everyone.
Every month or so now I get like this. Just completely dissatisfied with everything thats happening with my life.
I’m sick of my university, my home, the way I live and I just need to get out of this circle of shit that I call a life. I need to find myself somewhere because I don’t belong in a shitty flat in Huddersfield writing songs that don’t get heard.
Everyone should be aloud emergency money to get the fuck away from shit like this, start somewhere new and not have to be tied down to a place because of a job or a course. I feel so static, so immobile and I can’t function this way, I need to be moving, progressing, travelling, doing something to progress in life. The happiest times I have are on the road, it gives me a sense of purpose and meaning.
I know most people get like this and just deal with it. But why should we have to?. Life shouldn’t be about working to be aesthetically successful, It should be about being internally happy with what you have achieved, or tried to achieve.
I feel physically sick that i’m even writing this. I’m always intoxicated with something, because I can’t face the reality that i’m unhappy as a person on the deepest level as I desperately cling to my music for some form of mental stability that is slowly dissolving the longer this goes on. Writing this is however the first time in a while I’ve felt any kind of relief, like posting to a webpage that doesn’t get read still funnels out some small load of this overbearing depression.
I wish I could be that whining bitch of a person that sits here and complains about stuff that doesn’t matter so I could shake this and grow up knowing so many people have it worse, and although that still remains true this feeling is on a level so deep it rocks the foundations of my life, and everything in it.
One thing is for sure. If I don’t find my way out of this soon, it’s not going to end well for me, But if I should leave this mess then I will make it my mission to help others out of these kinds of ruts, because no one deserves to be spending their precious days on this planet worrying about insignificant things, There’s always a way out. There must me.
I want to feel alive again.